Himitsu
By: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'
4-7-06

[ Chapter .18 ]

My eyes widen. His lips are against mine before I even realize he moved. He consumes me with an angry, sweltering kiss. So much like our first, yet something is different. This wasn't a kiss based so much on the body's unbearable, violently powerful demands for satisfaction. But something that went beyond the pulsing flesh between his legs. Something intangible. His hands tangle and pull the hair at the back of my head as if he actually expected me to pull away. "Nnnmh!" he growls into my mouth and crushes his lips hard against mine. I mold my body against his and wrap my arms around his small frame. Shivering, I moan into his mouth constantly.

It amazes me how much I want him. Like I needed this to stay sane. It bothers me that this kiss was so different from the one I shared with my own wife. That kiss was so tepid. Even cold. This kiss is alive. A hot blooded, living, breathing entity all its own. I barely understand why kissing Bejiita... this man, was so alarmingly satisfying. Why his mouth on mine evoked feelings that overtake me and rob me of my reason, of my breath, and of any hope of remaining even the least bit faithful to Chichi.

Bejiita's skin is boiling hot to the touch. Eagar hands smooth over his back in clumsy circles. The sensitive pads of my fingertips relish the scarred yet perfect skin under them. The dim lighting of the room somewhat impairs my vision. So my fingers become my eyes. Palms glide over him endlessly as they memorize every imperfection, every curve and contour of him. They learn the shape and bulge of battled toned sinew. The weight, texture and surprising softness of his hair. I bathe in the feel of him in my arms. I drown myself in the incredibly arousing notion that this was Bejiita and no one else. That all his anger, talents, fire, allure and everything that made him, everything that drew me to him, for this little span of time, however fleeting, was mine.

"Nmnh!" I find myself growling into his mouth. I kiss him with more passion and possessiveness than I knew I had, nearly startling him with my intensity. Suddenly everything seems to be moving so fast as he devours my mouth. His hands roam over my sensitive body frantically. Breathing becomes difficult as the heat rushes to every part of me he touches. His lips never leave mine and my eyes widen when I feel his hand push down between our impossibly close bodies to stroke me through my clothes. "IINh!!" A high pitched whine is wrenched from me. My head gets painfully hot and I whimper into his mouth as his fingers tighten around me.

"NHMmh!" Whimpers and whines turn to growls and grunts. I shake and moan uncontrollably. I'm never quite able to get enough air into my lungs. "Unnh!!" As his fingers close even tighter around me, my quivering legs suddenly refuse to hold me up anymore and he releases my lips with a wet, smacking sound. I abruptly slide down to the floor in a heap of trembling want.

I lie there on the floor next to his bed, panting, watching him stand over me. The ceiling spins above him. Sweat drips down my brow and into my eyes. Sitting up, I bring my hand to my forehead when the dizzy spell fails to fade.

| I think I'm gonna need a minute here. |

I don't get one as Bejiita crouches down and kneels between my spread legs. He shoves my hand out of the way and kisses me again. Immediately pushing me down flat against the wood floor with the force of his kiss and the inevitable that we always felt compelled to fight. He bites my bottom lip before pushing his tongue into my mouth. I'll never tire of this. Which is part of the problem. He leans into me, sucking at the small wound he had made. The hand in my hair slides down and he grinds a fist against my ribs. "HSss!!" I shudder violently under him and he shakes with me.

The growing insanity of my own pleasure makes me roll him beneath me and pin him down. "Rgggh!!" Bejiita's eyes widen and he struggles to get back on top. He tries to push my head away before he settles for punching me in the head. I punch him right back before ducking beneath the fist he swings to lap at the sensitive flesh of his left nipple. Its rosy and round and somehow just perfect. He struggles and pants as I roll it under my tongue roughly. "M..Oonh!" Bejiita's a thick, throaty moan twists another knot in my stomach. As if to reward me, he punches at my shoulder. I grab his hand and hold it down.

I half expect him to complain that I'm going too fast, or being too rough, or somehow doing this all wrong. But of course he doesn't, he merely punches me and groans. Only we can see that as the encouragement it really is. Letting instinct take over, I let my tongue do as it wishes. I wind it around the rapidly hardening nub. Sucking, and nipping, and pulling but remembering not to neglect its twin. "Nnn..." His free hand grasps the hair on the side of my head as if he would try to push me away again. I scrape my teeth over it and he pulls my hair tighter, arching his back.

"Immhh!!" Bejiita lets out a worried little whimper and watches my mouth work over him with an angry yet undeniably aroused expression. I watch him as he watches me. I smooth my hands up and down his torso, across tanned, perspiring skin and toned muscle. "HHnn!" He breathes hard and I let go of his right hand, allowing it to find its way into my hair again. He's still pulling the strands taut, but not in an effort to stop me. Merely like he wanted to bring me pain for making him feel pleasure. For putting him right back into a situation he swore he'd never find himself in again. I can hear him biting his bottom lip hard through his moaning as he twists and bucks under me.

"Ki.. sa...ma...!" he groans heatedly. His head flops back down to rest on the floor. My tongue ventures lower, past the dips and quivering muscles of his stomach. Then lower still. Bejiita takes in small shuddering breaths and sits up suddenly. He watches me in angry, petulant fascination. I stare at him and the straining flesh under the thin fabric of his boxers. My hands begin to shake when I slowly pull them off. My stomach knots and coils when a dark thatch of hair first becomes visible. Then, what I've been waiting for as I pull them down and off completely.

My skin tingles oddly when Bejiita lies under me stark naked. I've seen him in the nude many times. Why does now feel so different? His hardness stands up rigidly between his powerful legs and I swallow audibly. Being head to head with him makes my face burn. My head swims with giddy, aroused unease and I wonder if I've bitten off more than I can chew. Literally. He watches me and my needy uncertainty, breathing harder now.

"...Don't.... just sit there... staring at it...." he growls trying to sound angry, but only succeeding in making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I stare at his hardness as if I'd never seen it before. He lets out a frustrated huff of air. By some miracle the room manages to get even warmer when his fingers weave through my hair, silently understanding and encouraging me to go on. Yet his actions portray unusual impatience. Blood rushes past my ears. Desire thrums through me at a terrifying rate. My god I have no idea what I'm doing! I close my eyes quickly. Shutting out the image of his throbbing erection only a few inches from my face. Trying to shut him out, shut out my attraction to him... to this. The atmosphere of the room is palpable. Even the very air is tinged with Bejiita as I struggle to breathe. It's like he's everywhere. I feel him shift under me and my eyes snap open when something thick and hot is rubbed across my face.

"Uh!...nnN...hh!" I let out a strange, broken, frustrated little whimper and clench my teeth. He strokes his hardened flesh over my left cheek and across the bridge of my nose. My mouth waters and I shudder violently when he passes it over my lips, smearing precum over them. I bite down on my tongue before it snakes out to lap up what he's left on me. Something about all this seems so deliciously wrong. My mind whirls. Powerful need wars with guilt and the drive to do what I think is right, or at least what I've been told is right.

[ If it's so wrong, why do I want this so badly? ]

"...Kakaro...tto.." he whispers. Not so subtly asking for what he so obviously wants. The gravelyness of his voice betrays the intensity of his need and it's almost unbearable. He shifts under me and pulls me forward just a little bit more, pushing the dripping tip against my lips insistently. His hardened flesh is boiling hot against my mouth. My breath comes in small pants. He smells absolutely divine.

As I slowly lean forward and slurp up the bead of precum from his fleshy tip I realize how powerful my own yearning for him truly is. "Hssss!" he hisses on contact. The tip is unbelievably smooth against my lips. I feel myself harden even more as I lick him with tentative sweeps of my tongue.

"Unnnn... uh..." Bejiita lets low, shuddering moans but sits still. Falling back on his elbows, he never taking his dark eyes off me. He watches me intensely. "Ka...karo...tto...!" I finally open my mouth and let him in. He doesn't thrust into my mouth like I know he wants to. Letting me set the pace and depth for now. It feels so strange, having him inside me this way. Strange in a way I somehow can't get enough of.

Enamored with this feeling of newness, much of my timidness fades. My lips come to know the width and girth of him. The texture and taste. I let my tongue slide along the curvature of his thick shaft. "UUghhh!" A guttural groan pushes through his teeth. The more I lap at him the more I love it. Slowly, the motions go from seeming foreign to rather natural. As if this is something I'd done all along. I close my eyes and worship him with my mouth. "Gnhn!!!." He lets out a needy grunt with every bob of my head. Every slide of my lips down his shaft. Every slurp and every sigh makes my stomach flutter. The throbbing between my legs becomes painful so I suck faster. "Oon.!" It's wonderful to be with someone who so thoroughly enjoys what I do for them. The knowledge of that is incredibly arousing all its own.

"Un..Iimmh.. ngh..shit!!" garbled moans and profanity force their way out of Bejiita's throat. They quickly rise in volume before he slaps a hand over his mouth and looks towards the door. We are both acutely aware of every movement of my tongue as I glide it over his throbbing length and bulbous tip enthusiastically. Loving the feeling of him in my mouth. I lave my tongue over every inch of it.

Bejiita's head lolls back to rest on his shoulders before it slides back down to the floor. The muscles in his stomach bunch and quiver as he undulates his hips towards my mouth languidly. We moan together as I try to get as much of him in my mouth as I can. He runs his fingers through my hair and scrapes his nails against my scalp. Sitting up suddenly, he and pulls my head back and slowly pushes himself into my waiting mouth. I tighten my lips around him as I'd seen Bulma do and watch his face teeter between painful arousal and disbelief as he watches himself disappear and reappear from my mouth.

"Nnnnh!.." he moans piteously and quakes with need. Bulma unwittingly taught me how to do this. Now I know what I was missing. I didn't realize how much I envied her.

Bejiita's eyes roll to the back of his head and he pulls my hair even harder. He clenches his teeth, grunts, and growls in the way that I've grown to love before his head flops back down to the ground and he releases my hair. I suck on him hard. Amazed by my own skill, all things considered. Wet slurping and the sound of Bejiita's back and legs moving against the floor as he writhes under me are all I can hear. I lap and slurp at his weeping tip.

God he tastes so good! "UUnnnh." I moan around him. I just can't get enough of it.

More! I need more!

Bejiita's eyes snap open and there's a sharp intake of breath as if he were coming out of a trance. He sits up abruptly and watches me with a panicked expression. "UNH!" Hands are in my hair again before one slaps over his mouth to keep his noises at bay.

"RGghhg!!! Ss..st...oophh...!" Bejiita whimpers trying to push my head off him while still covering his mouth. His dark eyes darting from me to the door and back again. Like he just noticed the unholy racket he was making. I love hearing him.

"Un-un!" I say around him making him shudder and cease his pushing for a moment. Breathing rapidly he pulls my hair until I feel a few strands come out. "NNH!.. Nn..stop!" he says again in the tiniest of voices. He uses both hands now to push my head away while trying to pull himself out of my mouth. Refusing to let him go, I continue tormenting him with my mouth. Bejiita trembles and struggles against me furiously. Legs kicking. Nails digging into my back, teeth clenched as he tries not to moan.

He growls and bucks under me and throws his weight and manages to roll us over so I'm under him again. Back on top where he feels he belongs, he thinks he can catch his breath. Ironically this position only pushes him deeper into my mouth.

"OOnnh!" he lets out a throaty, desperate moan as he bites down on his hand. With more strength than I thought he could muster at the time, he forces himself up just enough to scoot back and pull out of my adoring mouth. I lick my lips, feeling annoyed that he refused to let me please him. Let me taste my delicious reward straight from its source.

Gasping for air as if we'd just done battle, he comes back to punch me in the jaw. "Bastard!" he yells panting. His peculiar way of saying 'that felt good.’ With groans and violence and snarls. He wants so much to hate me for making him feel pleasure despite his efforts not to. For showing him once and for all that he wanted me just as much as I want him. Trembling with want and rage that he'd 'let' me tempt him, let me control the situation for so long, he crouches over me menacingly. He leans down and licks across my bottom lip for anything he may have left there. His eyes burn on me hungrily, yet somehow he looks positively enraged at the same time.

"God I should just kill you right now..." he whispers angrily. Pissed to no end with me and himself. The words rumble out of his chest before he attacks my mouth again. "Unh!" a jolt goes through me every time our lips meet. He tears his lips away before I've had my fill of them. Hands grab at either side of my collar before he pulls them apart, splitting my shirt right down the middle. Then he reaches underneath the mattress of his bed and pulls out a bottle. It's half full and clearly used more than once. I'm sure you can guess what he plans to do with it. With me...

I begin to tremble when he drops the bottle next to me as he roughly pulls my orange pants off. Tossing them aside as if they'd offended him. He sits back on his heels and stares at me openly. I feel absolutely no urge to cover myself from the heat of his gaze. Of course he's seen me naked before, a few times in fact. But judging from the way his eyes burn on me now, it never seems to matter. I always feel naked when his eyes are on me. They're always my undoing.

My stomach coils with the knowledge of what will come next. I bite my lip and scarcely breathe as he grabs my left thigh and pushes my leg out of the way. He reaches for the bottle He has a hard time flicking the cap open with his thumb. Once open, shaky hands squeeze the slippery substance onto his throbbing length.

The oil flows down the curve of his penis and drips onto the glossy wooden floor. Nothing is said, and there's only the sound of harsh panting and low grunts as he slicks the substance over himself. He leans over me and brings his forehead to rest against mine. Bejiita reaches down between us and his fingers brush against the skin just below my navel. "Hn!"A startled moan is pulled from me the instant his hand makes contact. I tremble incessantly. He's barely even touching me! I have no idea I'm so sensitive until his hands are on me.

I find myself arching under him and his touch as he drags hands downward over my skin. His nails scrape the muscular flesh of my lower abdomen as if punishing me. He takes his torment a step further and an oily hand reaches for the hardness that screams for him. His talented fingers wrap around me and I immediately take in a sharp, shuddering breath before immediately releasing it as a breathy moan.

"Innh!.." My whole body tenses up then goes boneless when I feel his skillful hands on me. I watch him wide eyed as he works. His wrist and hands undulating as it moves up and down my shaft. His fingers tightening as he moves towards the tip and loosening towards the base. "HHss...!" My head lolls from side to side on the floor. My back arches as he pumps faster. My eyes roll shut and I'm not able to sit up and watch him anymore.

"OOunn!... hnnn!.." My uncontrollably moaning turns to shallowly breathing when I feel his hands slide past the base of my erection and push against something that's never been touched by anyone other than myself. My eyes snap open at the strange, yet not at all unpleasant sensation. Bejiita pushes the pads of his middle and index fingers against it. Smearing the oil there with smooth circular motions of his hands.

"Bej-...!" I breathe against his mouth before he swallows his name with his lips.

"Hhnmm!!" I let out a gravely moan into his mouth. Without breaking the kiss, we breathe deeply and haphazardly when he pushes my legs apart and lies between them. I stop breathing entirely when he slowly eases into me. My eyes widen and he kisses me harder.

"Ngh!"

It hurts.

Of course it does. Everything we did hurt, either physically or mentally. And all we wanted was more. More pain, to cause more pain, to endure more of it. Just more. Always more. We are addicted to the very things that will be our undoing. He was my undoing. Was I his?

I hold onto him tightly. My skin burns everywhere he touches me and my lungs scream for air I won't give them. He breathes shallowly as he kisses me, watching my face as I strain under him. Of all we've done here tonight we are both completely silent during this. My fingers dig into his back and he bites my lip as he pushes all the way in, whimpering slightly. He has the strangest look in his eyes. Like he wanted this so much he began to hate himself for it. Like what we were doing was beautiful, loathsome, intimate and horrible all at once.

He looks aroused and worried as he begins to move. Slowly. The first push into my body forces me to breathe with the strangeness of the sensation. There are still no words. The slick sound of his steady thrusting can be heard over our ever increasing gasps for breath. He never takes his eyes off me. He barely even blinks as he watches my eyes roll to the back of my head when the burning of his thrusts melts into those that make me want to scream his name.

"Uuuh..." the first of many breathy moans leaks past my lips before I even realize I made a sound. Bejiita breathes harder above me. His eyebrows lowered in concentration. Now, he can barely keep his eyes open. My whole body is pushed back and forth against the floor under him. Bejiita's eyes begin to roll closed but he forces them open again as he speeds up. His breathing goes from pants to sharp hisses. He tries to stifle the inevitable sounds of his pleasure. Blood trickles down his chin as he bites his lip so hard it bleeds. I feel my blood boiling under my skin as it rushes to my face and between my legs. My heels scrape against the floor as I mindlessly lift my hips to meet his thrusting. "NH!!!" I learn very quickly that this angle allows him to plunge in deeper, make his strokes fuller, longer, more excruciating and exquisite. My eyes snap open. The feeling is a little more than my overly sensitive body can handle.

"HNNnn!.. Onh!-!" Noises are wrenched from me and my back bends like a bow. I try and fail to muffle my moaning with my hands, trembling violently as his thrusts pushed me towards a place I knew all too well and yet not at all. Bejiita pumps his lean hips faster now. I groan piteously behind my fingers as my vision gets spotty.

We never even made it to the bed as he fucks me hard right on the floor like an animal. He growls and grunts viscously. His face contorts as if every time he thrust into me, he was somehow hurting himself. In many ways he was. Yet he does not stop. A masochist to the first degree.

"OOunh!!" the damn bursts and a loud moan forces itself out of Bejiita's throat, making him more aware of himself. Biting his lip is not enough to silence him. Not even breaking his rhythm, he slaps his hand over his mouth as well. Just in time as footsteps wander past his door and stop.

"Bejiita honey? I thought I heard something. Is everything all right?" Bunni's light, caring voice travels through the door.

Bejiita doesn't answer. He doesn't slow in the slightest as he presses his forehead against mine.

"Take us somewhere else..!" he says barely audible. His voice is raspy. He tries to pull my hand away from my mouth so I can push two fingers against my forehead. I shake my head furiously. I struggle to keep my hand in place, because it's the only thing keeping me from shouting. The only thing keeping Bunni from finding us. Though secretly I wished she would see us. Though I can't fathom why.

"Do it!!" he whispers harshly. Breathing hard against my face, still pushing himself into me against his better judgment. As if he could no longer control the lower half of his body. I bite down on my tongue and quickly push two fingers against my forehead. But I can barely concentrate enough to think of where to go.

"Unhmh!!! S..slow down and ...let me...think!" I plead, praying that wasn't as loud as it sounded in my ears.

"Bejiita? Are you there? I hear voices." Bunni called. I could heard her fussing with the knob over our panting. You think we'd stop. Or at least slow down. You'd think guilt would get the better of us and we wouldn't be able to keep doing this. But you're wrong.

"Gravity room... now!" he says his face pained yet euphoric as he panics.

I finally teleport us and pray that we end up somewhere at least a little more private.

[ ..... ]

By some miracle we do indeed make it to the gravity room.

With no ears to listen, and no other eyes to see, Bejiita roars as he pistons into me mercilessly. He'd been holding back, and so have I. He pumps hard and fast. Our coupling is violent and achingly needy at the same time. It's almost too much. Almost.

"UUH!.. OH!!"

"IINHH!.. UUNH!!"

Our moans quickly reach a pitch that sounds almost like sobs. Sobbing for the promises and vows and trusts broken because we needed this so desperately. This thing that has no name and no justifiable place in our lives. Having to hide it from everyone, even ourselves. Every time he pushes himself into me is like slapping Bulma in the face. Every moan we pull from each other is like stomping on Chichi's broken heart. Every time he pump I moan louder. When I moan louder he pumps faster. It hurts. It hurts right down in the middle of my chest with every beat of my heart of how I'm betraying her. Of how much I enjoy doing so. That because of me, of this, none of us would... could ever be the same. It hurts in a way that makes me so terribly sad, yet sets my body on fire and drives me insane with ecstasy.

"Uuhh! Uhh Ooh!!" Bejiita sobs his pleasure and his sorrow in time with every undulation of our bodies. My back arches off the cold floor and my body winds itself tight as if preparing to spring at any moment. The chaotic frenzy of my own pleasure is terrifying. I hold onto Bejiita's gyrating form for dear life.

"UUhnnh!... Beji-"

"MMHN!... Don't..!" he says, his eyes snapping completely open to glare at me suddenly. Sweat drips down from his brow and onto my cheek as he moves above me. "HNn!" his moans get shorter and harsher as he nears the edge. Mine get longer, and turn my voice into a garbled mess as if the sounds were dragged out of me against their will.

"Bejii...iii ta...!!" I drawled out. Like I so desperately needed to say it. Like I wanted someone, anyone to know how he made me feel. I drag my nails down his back, breaking his oddly perfect skin. As if only near the edge do I realize why he wanted to hurt me so.

"Shh... Shut up!...Don’t...say... it...!!" he forces out between clenched teeth as he slowed down but pumped much harder. Snarling at me before letting out a small, throaty, yelp of a moan when I wrap my legs around him tightly nearly crushing his ribs.

"UUnnn..!. BE..JII..ITA..!!!!" his name comes out in a broken, enraptured shout when I finish. I couldn't help it. Couldn't help saying it. I couldn't help anything I did with him.

"NNM!!..I ..told you ...not to ...say it...!!" He trembles violently just as he comes, filing me with something scorching hot. His eyes rolling to the back of his head and his teeth dig into his lip as he takes the last plunge into my body. He collapses into a boneless heap on top of me shortly after.

"..hate you..." he whispers into my skin.

[ ..... ]

"..."

My head never stopped swiming. There's only the sound of harsh breathing as the sweat evaporates from our skin, leaving goose bumps and a deep, beautiful yet painful sense of satisfaction. What made it beautiful was that it was so fleeting. What made it painful was for everything that had changed, every thought and feeling that raged inside us manifest themselves in a way that is quite self destructive.

So why did we always want more of it? Even now...

Bejiita, still inside me, breathes against my perspiring skin. His head resting on my chest. His faced turned away so I can't see it. I can feel the anger rolling off of him and spilling into my own feelings of frustration at the situation.

"Asshole ...you have no idea what you've done..."

But I know all too well.

[ ..... ]

I teleport us back to his room when he thinks the coast is clear. There is no cuddling or tender words after our coupling. Bejiita shrugs my hand off his shoulder and closes the door after Bunni opened it. He makes a face as he picks his boxers and the bottle of oil up off the floor. Having a somewhat difficult time walking, I move towards my pants and the shredded fragments of my shirt, trying to ignore the unease in the pit of my stomach.

Bejiita, avoiding eye contact, stalks over the dresser to get a new pair of shorts. Ones not stained with seamen, or reeking of the sweet, heady tang of sex. He opens and closes drawers in a robotic manner, saying nothing. The rigidness of his bare back, and the tension in his shoulders give him away every time.

I watch him as he stops and rests his hand on the top of the dresser. His fingers lingering near a gold framed picture of Bulma and himself leaning against the mirror. Bejiita stares at his own angry face in the mirror before he pulls his arm back and rams a fist into his own reflection. The glass shatters around his hand and drops to the floor noisily. Bejiita shakes like a leaf and slowly looks down at his bloody fist with no expression.

I rush over to him in an instant. Ignoring the pieces of glass beginning to cut into my feet.

"Why did you do that!?!" I whisper, grabbing his wrist and looking at the glass fragments jutting out of his knuckles instead of at the door.

Silence.

"Bejiita..."

It hurt to look at him all of a sudden.

"...She'll never... forgive me..." he says softly. Bejiita never once cared of anyone ever forgave him for anything. I look at him sadly. I can hear the pain in his voice. I want so much to soothe it away, even though I'm the cause of it. My... our selfish needs will cost us, if not now then someday. I run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his warm neck.

"I'm sorry..."

Bejiita lets out a sick, desperate little laugh, batting my hand away.

"Liar."

Chapter 19

A/N

1.For some reason this chapter was very difficult to write.